


Gasoline

by ScreenSiren



Series: Leather, Gasoline & Cigarettes [2]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:54:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23751931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScreenSiren/pseuds/ScreenSiren
Summary: After a wild year, Lola Hopper is looking forward to breaking in 1985 with a hell of a lot less drama, but as per usual; life has other plans. The consequences of last year's complex relationships have finally caught up with her, and now she's left with a choice between her heart and her head that she's not sure she's ready to make.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Original Character(s), Billy Hargrove/Original Female Character(s), Steve Harrington/Original Character(s), Steve Harrington/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Leather, Gasoline & Cigarettes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1685836
Comments: 3
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter One - Party Like It's 1985!

**_“First we’d like to welcome back all Hawkins High students after what was hopefully a joyful Christmas holiday. Now time for some student announcements to get you started into the New Year...”_ **

The cheerful upbeat salutations of the school announcements echoed through the bustling halls of Hawkins High as I pushed my way through the crowd of well wishers to my locker.

I hadn’t been looking forward to launching into the school year, forced to smile and wish “ _Happy New Year_ ” And “ _Hope you had a good Christmas_ ” to every overeager fuck I came across, but still; social etiquette dictates that I should at least try to look enthusiastic.

My winter break hadn’t honestly been too bad. My dad, El and I had forgone the Hawkins PD Christmas Party and embraced the new Hopper tradition of a quiet Christmas; managing to half cremate a turkey, before deciding Eggos and leftover Chinese food more than substituted as a reasonable Christmas dinner.

New Years had been broken in pretty much the same as any other holiday weekend; my dad working the night shift, dealing with Hawkins innumerable amount of alcoholics, whilst me and El watched the ball drop in Times Square on TV.

Sure; I could’ve crashed one of the numerous high school New Years bashes that were being held all over town, but I really had no intention on reliving Tina’s Halloween party.

**_“Lola!”_ **

Perhaps the only person I wanted to hear from called out to me from across the hall, and I could already see the male equivalent of a beehive bobbing above the crowd as one Steve Harrington pushes through the oncoming tide of teenagers to get to me.

I smiled; kinda pleased to see his dopey happy face after three weeks of nothing but Hopper scowls and dry humour.

_“How was New Years?”_ He asked; finally emerging from the sea of students to walk in step beside me.

_“Same as usual. Ate chow mein, got wasted; can’t remember half of it. You?”_ I replied; not really feeling the need to go into detail on what had been a relatively straightforward holiday.

_“Went skiing up in Michigan.”_ He said with unfettered casualness; as if _everyone_ could afford ski breaks in the Upper Peninsular.

_“Sounds fun.” I_ nodded; really having no idea what skiing entailed other than a fuck load of snow.

_“Not really...”_ He admitted with a halfhearted shrug.

_“My mom caught my dad flirting with some waitress and refused to speak to him for the rest of the holiday”_

Steve had already confided in me that his parents were on the rocky road towards divorce, but were trying a last ditch attempt at making it work on the suggestion of a marriage counsellor.

Needless to say; the whole thing was failing miserably, and making Steve miserable in the process.

_“Sounds like we both had shitty holidays...”_ I commiserated; cutting through the crowd towards our lockers.

_“So... do you... would you wanna go to the movies on Saturday?”_ He asked as I opened my locker; rubbing the back of his head as if he hadn’t actually decided if he wanted to go through with this or not.

_Me and Steve hadn’t actually talked about that kiss after the Snow Ball; hadn’t really got the chance to with Winter Break, but now the choice of what we’re gonna do about it was finally upon us._

_“Like a date; or..?”_ I questioned; unsure of what to make of the invitation after all this time.

_“I guess. I mean; if you want...”_ Steve agreed noncommittally; his lack of an answer telling me nothing about the situation.

**_I liked Steve._ ** _That much I could be honest about, and I’d_ **_liked_ ** _kissing him. It felt easy and natural, like it was actually meant to happen, rather than forced; but I’m not sure what to make of it. I mean; I wasn’t even sure if Steve had broken it off with Nancy, and our whole friendship just complicates things._

_I just wanted something simple, but I’m not sure if Steve could be the one to give me that._

_“Saturday sounds good.”_ I agreed with a nod; not going to any efforts to confirm the status of this weird pseudo-relationship we’d initiated.

Steve nodded, seeming more distracted than usual, as I turned my attention back to my locker; pretty sure he had gym first thing, and unsure why he hadn’t headed off for it yet.

Then, to my greatest surprise, he leaned in close, settling a hairs width from the side of my face; and at first I thought he was gonna whisper something in my ear.

**But he didn’t.**

Instead he leaned in closer still, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek.

It must’ve only lasted a moment, but already it contained more of a confession of emotion than anything Steve had said or done for me in the past five years.

Then he pulled away before I could even formulate a response; disappearing down the hallway whilst I stood stock still, hand still pressed to the warm surface of my cheek.


	2. Chapter Two - Sometimes I Want To Disappear

For the next couple of weeks; me and Steve kept seeing each other on a semi-romantic basis. We went to the movies; he’d pay for tickets, I’d pay for snacks. Basically, nothing had changed. 

Nothing except that lovesick way he kept looking at me all the time.

Maybe it was just me over complicating things; unable to separate my feelings for Steve as a friend, and my feelings for him as a whole, but the whole mindfuck had me pining over simpler times; times before all this shit came to the surface and we could just hang out.

Steve was never clear with his intentions; continuously acting like nothing had even changed, before giving me this look that was so full of sincere emotion, I had to look away.

It wasn’t that I didn’t love him too. **I did; _I loved Steve_** , but suddenly noticing how different he treated me; like I was made of glass, was uncomfortable.

I guess I just wanted him to be a bit more assertive; like the Steve back in the tunnels, like the Steve who fought Billy.

_Billy._

That boy was a mindfuck all on his own.

He’d kept his word since Max nearly neutered him; keeping far away from her and her friends since, _and apparently I was under that bracket too._

Billy kept his distance, steering clear of both me and Steve in the hallways at school; pretty much steering clear of most people in general. He didn’t hang with Tommy H, he didn’t show off in gym; he didn’t even flirt with girls anymore.

Of course; people tried to start a dialogue. Billy was too much of a rockstar to just fade away; girls still tried to score dates with him, guys still made crude jokes in front of him, but Billy didn’t respond. _Didn’t smile; didn’t laugh._

**_It was sad; really._ **

_Like a part of him had been sucked away._

It was an annoying and obnoxious part of him, but it was what made him Billy, and _I guess I kinda missed him._

Sometimes I’d feel eyes upon me when I was standing at my locker, and turn only to see him staring. Not that sultry, hungry leer like he used to drive me to exasperation with, but a blank, somber look, almost longing at some moments.

I’d thought about talking to him; just a quick “ _hi_ ” in the halls to make sure he knew he didn’t need to avoid me like the plague.

Then I remembered what he’d said to me on that faithful night; _what he done to me,_ ** _what he’d done to Steve._**

I didn’t quite have it in my heart to forgive him yet.

———————————————————

Billy hadn’t been in all week.

It wasn’t something I’d normally notice, considering the guy had a penchant of skipping classes he didn’t have an interest in, _which was pretty much all of them._ But still; it was weird not to see him at all.

It was stupid; really. _I mean; why the hell was I worried about Billy Hargrove?!_ He was nothing but a pest to me, and it _really_ wasn’t any of my business whether he took his classes seriously or not.

But still; he’d been my first, and _maybe_ I’d formed an attachment to him for that.

**_“Hey Lo; you listening to me?”_** Steve cut cleanly through my fretting; soft brown eyes staring down at me with concern, and that newfound admiration I was still getting used to.

_“Yeah; um. You were talking about Saturday...”_ I answered, still coming across as distracted as I zipped up my backpack.

_“Yeah. We’re still on; right?”_ He asked; as if I could refuse with his doe eyes guilt tripping me like a fucking puppy.

_“Of course. Eight o’clock; right.”_ I nodded, slamming my locker shut with a little more force than necessary.

_“Eight o’clock.”_ He confirmed, fixing his backpack on his shoulder, then leaning in to leave a quick kiss on my hair before heading off to his next class.

_Yet another weird thing I was coming to terms with._

I was about to go and make my own way over to class, when something, _or rather someone_ , caught my eye from across the hall.

Six feet of blonde hair and black leather had just meandered into school; his shoulders hunched as if he was trying not to draw attention to himself.

At first, I thought nothing of it; satisfied and kinda relieved that everything was back to normal, and that Billy was back in class.

But then he turned his head slightly, and the weight of my stomach dropped.

**He had a shiner.**

A nasty one, if my experience was anything to go by.

The purpling monstrosity covered nearly half his face, and was still a little bit swollen by the looks of it.

My stomach did flips.

Yeah; Billy was a tough guy, and it was more than likely that he’d picked a fight with someone outside of class and gotten a few bruises for it.

But Billy hadn’t been in class the last couple of days.

I took a deep breath; very aware that I was about to do something incredibly stupid that I’d probably end up kicking myself for later.

Then I walked across the hall towards him.

Billy didn’t notice at first; too preoccupied with hiding his face behind the door of his locker.

_“Hey Billy...”_ I called out, striding up to his locker as if I’d done this a thousand times before.

_“Lola?”_ He mumbled; eyebrows pinching as if he wasn’t sure why I was even giving him the time of day, _let alone talking to him._

_“I just wanted to check you’re okay...”_ I asked with a sad half smile; trying my best not to make him self conscious of the bruises on his face.

_“You haven’t been in the last couple of days, and... I was getting worried...”_ I continued, deciding that admitting my concern might be the first step in bridging the gap between us after all this time.

Up this close; I could really see the number that had been done to his face. His eye was still bloodshot, **_and were those stitches in his eyebrow?!_**

_“Well; thanks for the concern, but I’m fine...”_ He replied, even though the state of his face said he was anything but.

I reached out to touch his arm, hoping that a little bit of tenderness might open him up to me.

_“Billy; if something’s going on, I can-“_

**_“I said; I’m fine.”_** He spat, shrugging off my arm with muted fury, before shouldering past me towards class.

I just watched, rubbing my arm where he’d barged past me, wondering **_what the hell had happened to Billy Hargrove?!_**


	3. Chapter Three - Romeo, Romeo; Where Art Thou?

Billy hadn’t come to class; or at least not in any of the ones I was in with him. I think he was avoiding me; too angry and embarrassed of my sympathy, after I’d already seen him knocked on his ass once before. 

It shouldn’t of surprised me. I hadn’t made an effort to speak to Billy since the incident at the Byers, so why should we suddenly start talking now?

Billy just needed time.

That was it, and like it or not, I had to give it to him.

So instead I tried my best to focus on my classes; well aware that exam season was coming up, and I probably should be a little more prepared.

I didn’t really need good results. I had no grand designs on college placements; my dad not in the position to afford it, and my grades not consistent enough to qualify for a scholarship.

I still had Charlie’s; my position as a permanent mechanic all but guaranteed the moment I finished Marty’s truck.

But Steve wasn’t so lucky; his father’s expectations and his future riding on him getting good grades this year.

So to try make that happen, we were sat in the library, making notes on the works of Shakespeare for our upcoming English exam.

_“The name of Juliet’s betrothed was..?”_ I asked, launching into yet another one of the flash cards Nancy had so kindly prepared for us.

_“London-_ ** _No wait; Paris!”_ **Steve answered, before correcting himself; clearly wracking his brain over what had really been a simple question.

_“And the name of Romeo’s best friend was..?”_

_“Mercury..?”_ Steve replied; the name coming out more of a question than an answer.

_“Close, but it was actually Mercutio.”_ I corrected, beginning to wonder if he’d actually bothered to read the play at all.

_“Damn it! I’m so gonna fail this!”_ He groaned, slumping his head onto the desk in a dramatic fashion.

_“No; you’re not, because I’m not gonna let you fail...”_ I disagreed, reaching across to rub the knots out of his shoulders.

Steve was a dumbass, but he was _my_ dumbass; and I wasn’t about to let him fall flat on his face over a stupid English test.

_“Can’t you just sit the test for me?”_ He asked, turning his head to look at me with self pitying brown eyes.

_“Come on; don’t be an idiot. You can do this...”_ I encouraged, slapping his shoulder firmly as he sat up straight to read over his notes again.

**_“Shit...”_** I muttered, suddenly noticing the clock and realising that I’d stayed way past the four thirty mark.

_“Got somewhere to be?”_ Steve asked, noticing me snatching up my textbook and shoving it into my bag.

_“Promised my dad I’d be home to watch the kid...”_ I replied, throwing my backpack over my shoulder, before shoving my chair in and making a start for the door.

_“Well;can’t you stay another fifteen minutes?”_ He called after me, as I made a hasty exit from the library.

**_“No can do, Harrington.”_** I called back, already shoving open the library door.

——————————————————-

I made a quick stop at my locker on my way; knowing there was nothing more frustrating than trying to take corners on my bike with a kilo’s worth of textbooks on my back.

**13, 04, 67**

I hastily put in my locker combination; very aware that there was a unbearably bored teenager waiting for me to come home.

_My dad had let up on his rules a little bit; actually allowing the kids to visit her, and even letting her go out front time to time, on the condition she stayed out of sight and was back before curfew._

_Still; without school, and still being left home alone for nearly eight hours a day, it was no surprise she got a bit grouchy if I didn’t get home on time._

I pulled open my locker, sliding open the zipper on my backpack, ready to shove my books inside; only to spot something on the top shelf.

_A teddy bear._

Golden brown with a cute leather jacket; I pulled the unexpected arrival from its perch, taking a closer look at its fuzzy form.

It was soft, downy really, and I began wondering when Steve had time to sneak it into my locker.

Then I spotted the Madonna pendant hung around its neck.

I let my fingers run over it, carefully pulling at the chain as it brought back memories of doing the same thing when it hung against a sun kissed chest; glinting golden in early morning sunlight as I nuzzled my face into the familiar scent of cigarette smoke and cheap cologne.

_It was Billy’s necklace;_ though why he had given it to me was a mystery.

He hadn’t left a note; and although the implication that he broke into my locker probably should’ve alarmed me more, he still went to a lot of effort to get it in there.

_I should probably give it back to him._ I knew it must’ve meant a lot to him; the boy not even taking it off to shower, and I didn’t want him getting any mixed messages on what went on between us.

I was Steve’s girl now; something I had to repeat to myself as I let my fingers trail over soft golden fur, thinking back to how soft Billy’s curls had been beneath my fingertips.

_I should probably give it back to him,_ but Billy had already gone home for the day, so instead I shoved the bear into my backpack, resigned to return it on Monday morning.

——————————————————-

**_“Sorry I’m late; I was helping Steve study and lost track of time...”_ **

I walked through the door at just gone five; the soft murmur of Feels Like Heaven pouring out from El’s room as I shrugged my backpack off my shoulder, unzipping it to pull out a semi frozen box of waffles.

_“I bought Eggos on the way home...”_ I continued, surprised at the ongoing silence and making my way over to her closed door.

I stopped outside her room, hesitating as I heard giggling and the slightly wet sounds of kissing.

I pushed open the door; thrown off, but hardly surprised at the presence of one Mike Wheeler sat on my baby sisters bed, smacking face with her as if we were welcoming in the new year.

The pair pulled away from each other as if physically repelled; El’s eyes shooting up to my face, clearly expecting someone else to have walked through that door, _probably my dad._

_“Lo; we didn’t think you’d be home yet...”_ Eleven spluttered, unsure on what to do now she’d been caught red handed with a boy in her room.

_“I was just keeping El company...”_ Mike blundered an excuse, but I needed _no_ explanation for what was going on here.

Instead I just tossed the waffles onto her bed, deciding that it really wasn’t my job to lecture the kid on propriety; _after all, I’d done much worse by her age._

_“Bought you Eggos.”_ I said; still not quite getting over the slightly flustered look on their faces over my lack of a reaction.

_“Thanks...”_ El uttered, eyes still wide as I walked out of the room, closing the door behind me.

**_Young love._ **

My dad would probably throw a hissy fit, _but you know what;_ ** _fuck him._** The kid deserved a little happiness after the shit she’d been through, and if Mike Wheeler was the one to give it to her, then that was fine with me.

I had bigger worries to think about; starting with what the hell I was gonna do about this Billy situation.


	4. Chapter Four - Being Bad Feels Pretty Good

The movie theatre was pretty vacant for a Saturday night, though maybe that had more to do with the fact it was Valentines weekend and most people had decided to spend it sucking face at Lovers Lake, kickstarting this years batch of pregnancy scares amongst the teenage population. 

Steve hadn’t actually asked me to be his Valentine. _A stupid thing; really._ I didn’t even believe in the damn holiday; just another fucking excuse to make people waste money on bad chocolates and overpriced flower arrangements. But still; he’d taken me to the movies, and I guess that was something.

The film of the weekend was The Breakfast Club; a teenage drama/comedy about five kids in detention, and already I could see similarities in the rural population of Hawkins High.

_Claire was pretty, and kind of a bitch; coming across as a weird blend of Tina and Nancy that was honestly quite jarring to watch._

_Andrew was Steve; a noble, dumb pretty boy of a jock, who probably was the least of a jerk off in the club,_ **_though that honestly wasn’t saying much._ **

_Jonathan landed somewhere between Alison and Brian; combining the dark traits of social outcast with the dorky awkwardness of an all out nerd._

_And Bender was..._

**_Billy._ **

_The more I thought about it; the closer it was._

_A walking fucking stereotype of teen bad boy, down to the denim jacket._

**_Obnoxious, attractive, aggressive;_ ** _all the traits were being ticked off the list as I began to wonder if they’d based this guy’s entire character on Hawkins resident bad boy._

**_Then it got to the part about cigar burns, and my popcorn did flips in my stomach._ **

_I thought back to the bruises on Billy’s face; the change in attitude, the hunched posture-_

**_“Hey Lo; you okay?”_** Steve leaned across the seat to mutter in my ear; my mind suddenly conscious that he’d been watching me instead of the movie for the past ten minutes.

_“Yeah; just got lost there for a moment...”_ I replied, slurping loudly on my drink to try and avoid a conversation.

_“Cause we can get out of here, if you want...”_ He offered, shifting in his seat already, ready to leave on my word.

_“No; no, it’s fine. Let’s just try and enjoy the movie.”_ I refused, stealing another handful of Steve’s popcorn and turning my gaze back to the screen.

Steve kept staring at me for a moment, clearly not satisfied with what might’ve been going on in my head, before eventually giving up and continuing to watch the movie.

“ ** _Being bad feels pretty good; huh?”_**

——————————————————-

We finished watching the movie and Steve drove me home in his BMW, humming along with Queen albums all the while.

It felt pretty normal, if not for Steve reaching across the gear stick to hold my hand in between shifts.

_It was nice; really_. The warm, familiar comfort of his fingers threaded through my own; thumb tracing patterns across my knuckles like this actually meant something to him.

**_And what was I saying?!_ Of course I meant something to Steve.** He was my best friend, and my boyfriend, _and; shit, what the hell had I got myself into?!_

I cared about Steve, and I loved him pretty much more than nearly everyone I know, _but was I in love with him?_

I glanced across at him in the driving seat, tapping along with the beat on his steering wheel, a pretty dumb smile on his face.

**_I loved Steve;_ ** _so why did I have to keep convincing myself of it?_

—————————————————-

When Steve finally dropped me off, I had to push a sense of foreboding down in my stomach; the reality that perhaps we were at another milestone in our relationship starting to dawn upon me.

Steve turned off the engine; the voice of Freddie Mercury cutting out, so we were left with the near silent ambiance of the woods.

_“Thanks for the movie, Steve. I had fun.”_ I attempted to say my farewells, undoing my seatbelt to make my exit.

_“Me too...”_ He replied; that slight crinkle in between his brows, a tell he had something on his mind.

_“Come on; let me walk you to your door.”_ He urged, and normally I’d tell him to get fucked; not needing any of his chivalry, but tonight I decided I’d let him.

The night air outside was chilly; the last breath of winter’s snow still in the air as Steve walked me up the porch steps, me pulling my leather jacket tighter around my shoulders.

We reached the door, and I pulled my keys out of my pocket, already knowing what came next.

_My dad wasn’t home, probably wouldn’t be all night, and El was over at the Byers for D’n’D night or something._

**_I had the cabin completely to my_ self**.

_“You know; I really meant what I said. About enjoying tonight...”_ Steve began; his doe eyes avoiding me for once to flit around uncertainly.

_“I feel like you just genuinely get me; you know?”_ He continued; eyes finally daring to settle on my face as I unlocked my door.

_“I know the feeling...”_ I concurred, though I couldn’t quite find it in myself to meet his eyes.

The door clicked open; the ridiculous amount of locks no longer a problem since dad had become more lax on the house rules, as I gently pushed it open the first inch.

I could feel Steve’s eyes on me; an unspoken question hanging in the air.

_“Do you wanna come in?”_ I asked; ripping off the bandaid before we both died of old age.

_“Yeah... Sure...”_ Steve nodded, looking half surprised at the offer, but following me inside regardless.

I felt self-conscious about the mess of the place, automatically going to shove the laundry basket out of sight in the bathroom, hyper aware of my pink panties sticking out of the side.

_“Weird to think I’ve known you for over five years, and yet I’ve never been inside your house...”_ Steve commented, taking the time to look around the place like he was planning to buy it. _Probably could too, knowing his family’s bank accounts._

_“Probably because my dad would deck you before you even got through the door.”_ I joked lightheartedly, returning to Steve’s side.

_It was true that my dad didn’t initially approve of Steve; thought he was a weak-armed momma’s boy who was only good at soaking up his daddy’s trust fund._

_But with time and tolerance; he’d begun to like Steve, or at least appreciate the fact that he cared about me._

_“Your dad coming home?”_ He asked, starting down a slippery slope towards a subject we’d both been avoiding for the past two months.

_“Not tonight.”_ I confirmed, pulling off my jacket, because it had suddenly become too warm in here.

_“Good.”_ Steve said, but before I had the chance to ask what he meant, he leaned in and kissed me hard on the mouth.

I was shocked, to be honest, not really expecting him just to lay one on me out of the blue like that.

_Steve rarely kissed me as it is; some sort of residual hesitance stopping him from being openly affectionate in public. A kiss on the head, or the cheek was routine; little barely noticeable demonstrations of affection that could be passed off as displays of a close friendship. But full on making out;_ **_never._ **

It didn’t really feel romantic; the whole thing seeming so rushed, it was almost forced, but I tried to reciprocate regardless.

I lifted my hand to the back of Steve’s neck, tangling my fingers through thick hair as I tried my best to kiss him back.

Steve grabbed me by my hips, backing me up until I collided with the kitchen counter, fingertips squeezing gently at the skin just above the waistband of my shorts.

I slipped my tongue out of my mouth, letting it pry along the seam of his own until he allowed me entry, kissing me back in a series of short, passionate kisses that should’ve left me breathless.

_Instead it was awkward and stiff, like we were doing what we thought we should do, rather than what we felt like doing._

Still, Steve gave it his all; letting his hands trail up underneath my top, gently feeling their way across my ribs in what I guessed was meant to be a caress.

He parted from my lips, moving on to leave a trail of kisses across my jaw and down the start of my neck; teeth nipping as he attempted to give me a hickey.

_“Stop, Steve...”_ I protested; the soft sucking sensation really doing nothing for me, but making the surface of my skin slightly wet.

_“Steve; this isn’t working...”_ I complained; though he couldn’t really know how much I meant those words.

Steve did as I asked, pulling away almost instantaneously, before peering up at me with soft eyes.

_“Too much?”_ He asked; a slight hesitance in his voice as he basically enquired about his performance.

_“A little...”_ I admitted, not quite having it in me to crush his confidence completely.

He sighed softly, leaning his head down to rest it in the crook of my neck, as I reached up to run my fingers through his hair.

_Steve was trying; he really was,_ **_but I just—_ **

_This wasn’t what I’d ever expected from the guy I called my best friend, and I guess I was still adjusting, even if it had been two months._

_“Do you wanna just watch TV or something?”_ He asked, pulling his head away from me as he finally resigned that nothing was gonna happen tonight.

I shook my head, leaning back on the counter as he stepped back to give me some space.

_“I’m not really feeling it tonight.”_ I confessed; though I was beginning to wonder if I would feel like “ _it_ ” any night.

Steve just nodded, already trying to hide the look of disappointment on his face.

_“You’re right. I should just- go home...”_ He conceded, before stepping in close to give me a quick goodbye kiss.

He leaned down to peck me on the lips, then hesitated, changing course for my cheek instead.

It was quick and soft this time; no lingering touches or restrained passion, and then it was over.

_“I’ll see you tomorrow, maybe.”_ He said uncertainly, giving me a nod before heading for the door.

I didn’t even say anything; concerned and embarrassed that I was the one that had done this, created this awkwardness between us.

_Maybe if I had just let him continue..._

But it was too late for second thoughts; Steve already shutting the door behind him, and ending all prospects of a Do over.

I sighed, heading straight to my room, because trust me to over complicate things.

**_I couldn’t even have a honest-to-god actual relationship without me somehow screwing that up!_ **

Instead I just threw myself down face first on my bed, screaming frustratedly into my pillow, because I couldn’t even go one night without sabotaging myself.

_I was an idiot;_ **_a total and complete idiot._ **

_Steve was a nice guy; my closest friend, a true diamond amongst a sea of trash,_ **_so why didn’t I feel attracted to him?_ **

I lifted my head off my pillow, wondering where in my life I’d become so fucked up that the idea of a nice guy was a turn off, when I spotted something tucked in the top corner of my bed.

_Billy’s teddy bear._

Eleven must’ve seen it in my backpack and put it in my room thinking it was important.

I picked it up, turning over onto my back so I could look at its stupid blank eyed expression.

_Maybe there was a reason I didn’t feel that way about Steve anymore..._


	5. Chapter Five - Bad Decisions

**_This was fucking stupid._ **

_I was a_ **_fucking dumbass_ ** _who could see a million red flags and just keep on driving, but here I was, cruising at a solid fifty down Maple Street, heading towards Cherry._

**_It wasn’t even like I wanted to fucking go there._ **

_It’s just that every time I looked at that_ **_damn bear,_ ** _I’d think of him, and I’d get these flashbacks; not all of them bad._

_I had to return it; make sure he knew that there was no way on earth things could go back to where they were, then maybe,_ **_just maybe_ ** _I’d be able to move things along with Steve._

**_Steve._ **

_I’d felt guilty all last night; really. Almost as if I’d cheated on him, even though I’d done nothing except turn him down for the night._

_I guess it was just that everything with Billy had complicated things, but there was no need to worry, because once I’d straightened this thing out, everything would go back to how it’s supposed to be._

—————————————————-

I took the corner between Elm and Cherry a little too fast, nearly fishtailing into the mailbox on the corner, but just managing to catch myself before it was too late.

Cherry was an alright street, as far as they came. Not quite as fancy as Maple, or as picturesque as Kerley, but it seemed pretty homey in a midwestern America kinda way.

I’d not really paid much attention back when Billy had driven me down it; mind far too occupied with the picture perfect blonde boy sat in the driver’s seat next to me.

Now I could see it properly, I could almost imagine what it would be like living here; smoking cigarettes on the front porch and just watching the world go by.

I could see Billy’s house coming up just ahead; a weathered looking pickup truck sitting out front, probably belonging to his dad.

I pulled up a little further down on the opposite side of the street, seeing no sign of Billy’s Camaro and wondering if maybe I should come back later, when I heard the sound of shouting coming from the other side of the street.

I looked up, pretty sure it was coming from Billy’s house, but unsure what to make of it.

I’d heard yelling when I stayed at Billy’s before; had just assumed it was his parents arguing, because wasn’t that what parents do?

Then I heard a much more familiar voice yelling back, then a sudden silence.

**_Billy._ **

The boy was argumentative beyond compare, so it only made sense that he didn’t get along with his folks.

Still; the all out shouting match sounded like it was getting pretty heated, and maybe it really was wiser to come back later.

But before I could put my bike into gear; an older man stormed out of the house, roaring and bellowing murder back into the house.

**_“And if I so much as fucking catch you backchatting me again; you’ll get a hell of a lot more than that...”_** He barked, before slamming the front door hard and striding towards his truck.

Blonde and broad, with a military kind of walk to him; I could already tell this was Billy’s dad, and judging by his less than stellar attitude; I could tell where Billy got his temper from.

The old pickup suddenly roared to life; the distinct twang of country and western filling the air before it drove off down the road.

I thought about turning around and hightailing it out of there, but quickly came to terms that the longer I waited to speak to Billy, the harder it was gonna be.

So instead I dismounted my bike, striding right into the gates of hell themselves.

——————————————————-

Out of all the things I’d expected to walk in on in the Hargrove’s house; I hadn’t expected this.

Against my better judgment, I’d marched up Billy’s front porch, backpack slung over my shoulder, determined to quickly hand the bear and necklace back to Billy, then get home before Steve came to pick me up.

I rang the bell, impatiently scuffing my own shoes, because maybe this was a bad idea.

_Billy sounded pretty fucking angry from down the street, and just because he wasn’t pestering me anymore, didn’t mean he wouldn’t try anything._

But I owed it to Steve to sort this out.

I couldn’t have Billy thinking he could win me back with some second hand jewellery and a cheap stuffed animal.

So I knocked instead, knuckles wrapping on the wood as I tried to push down a sense of dread in my stomach.

Still nothing, and I was beginning to think I’d got it wrong. That maybe that wasn’t Billy Hargrove I’d heard yelling from inside.

I turned around, just about to give up on this whole farce and get back to Steve, when I heard the door unlock, cracking open to about halfway.

_“Lola?”_ A familiar Californian drawl mumbled, but it held none of his spark.

_“Billy...”_ I turned back, ready to make this short and sweet, when my entire stomach dropped out beneath me.

_Billy was bruised._

Well; not just bruised, beaten bloody; crimson trails of still drying blood staining the white cotton of his wife beater.

The bruises from Friday were still there, darkening to such a deep shade of purple, they were almost black, and he already had the startings of new ones spreading down his jaw and the left side of his body.

**_“Jesus Christ; Billy! What happened to you?!”_** I exclaimed, stepping in through the door without a second thought, because he _really_ was a mess, and **_Jesus; someone needed to do something about it._**

_“Nothing.... just a stupid argument. You should go-_ “ He muttered, pinching his nose as if fighting a headache, though all it seemed to do was make his nose bleed worse.

_“Billy; you can’t expect me to believe that?! You’re bleeding!”_ I continued to exclaim, eyes falling over each inch of revealed skin only to find more bruises.

He didn’t say anything, quietly rubbing his hand across his face, smearing blood further over his cheeks.

_“Who did this to you, Billy?”_ I near yelled; my voice turning hard with outrage, _because this blood was fresh, and that meant-_

_“Lola; please-“_

**_“Who?!”_** I barked, staring him down with hard eyes, _because he just had to say it._

He stared back, eyes soft and broken and blue. He bit his broken lip, agitating the scab there and making it bleed.

I waited, chest heaving, _because if I found out what I thought I would, I swear to god; I’d-_

**_Sniff!_ **

I looked up to the sound of a stifled sob, left speechless, because Billy Hargrove was crying.

Six feet of Californian muscle and curly blonde hair was trying his best to hold back tears which openly fell across blood smeared cheeks.

It was a earthshaking sight; seeing him so vulnerable, so broken as he began to cry, well muscled arms trembling from the sheer effort of trying to contain his emotions.

_“Billy...”_ I sighed almost softly; my heart suddenly sinking, because I already knew what had happened, **_what was happening all along,_** _perhaps even when he was still a kid._

I stepped in close, wrapping my arms around his significantly taller frame as I tried my best to comfort him, running gentle fingers through the sweat slicked curls at the back of his neck.

_“It’s Okay; Billy. I’m here...” I_ cooed into his skin, feeling the wet wordless breath of his sobs being cradled into the crown of my head.

_Steve could wait for now; Billy needed me._


	6. Chapter Six - First Aid Kit

_“Okay; so I found the first aid kit, but you’re all out of disinfectant; though I read somewhere that vodka works just as good...”_ I said as I walked out of Billy’s ensuite, cradling a deep green first aid kit and a half drunk bottle of liquor in my arms.

He was sat on the bed waiting, bloodstained vest left disregarded on the bedroom floor, revealing the vast array of bruises that decorated his torso in varying states of healing.

_He’d told me what happened; how he’d gotten his bruises,_ **_how he’d always gotten them._ **

**_Billy’s dad was a bastard._ ** _A sick sadist who enjoyed the suffering of others. He took his anger out on Billy’s mom, and when he couldn’t do that anymore, he took it out on Billy; despite him only being a kid at the time._

_It didn’t excuse Billy’s shitty behaviour; he’d done that all by himself, but it made me understand a little bit more about why he was angry all the time._

_I’d offered to talk to my dad about it for him._ **_He was the Chief of Police, for Christ’s sake;_ ** _what was the point of having a cop as a father if you couldn’t call on him in times like this?_

_But still; Billy had refused. Whether out of fear, or just pure masculine pride, he made me promise not to tell him under any circumstances._

_It hurt, seeing him suffering and not being able to do anything about it, but I’d reluctantly agreed anyway; knowing he’d already placed enough trust in me with revealing this secret, and I really didn’t want to betray that trust._

_“Thanks for helping me clean up, and... and for listening...”_ He murmured; his voice soft and vulnerable as he continued to avoid looking me in the eye, almost as if despite my best efforts to convince him otherwise, he was ashamed of me seeing him like this.

_“Anytime Billy. Seriously; anytime you need me.”_ I assured him, gently clasping his arm as I knelt down in front of him to get a better look at the brunt of his bruising.

It was worse than I’d initially thought, and what I’d thought was bad enough.

His chest and rib cage looked as if it had been painted; vibrant splayed out patches of blues and purples, fading all the way to yellows and greens were clustered all the way across his skin.

I reached out and touched him, gently running my fingers over the bruises to try and determine where the worst of his injuries were.

_“Anytime?”_ He asked breathily; his voice barely audible as I let my timid fingers skim over a particularly dark section of bruising over his right pectoral.

The usual clear definition of his musculature was hidden beneath near black bruising that was raised and tender to the touch. I was pretty sure a couple of his ribs were broken; the deep violet tone of his skin there, a clear giveaway.

**_“Anytime.”_** I repeated; pressing gently on his bruised ribs, only to earn a pained hiss from Billy.

_“Sorry-“_ I quickly apologised, pulling my hand away quickly from the area quickly, but his hand darted out, clasping around my wrist tightly.

_“Please don’t-“_ He exclaimed; his tone slightly desperate as he loosened his iron grip on my wrist, as if he was reluctant to let it go.

_“Okay-“_ I murmured, staring into teary baby blues as I began to realise how touch starved Billy was.

**_Not in a sexual way;_ ** _he got plenty of that anyway, girls and even some guys desperate to lay their hands on him and get steamy,_ **_but in the most basic, generic level._ **

_Billy craved affection; the soft, gentle kind that came from lovers, and mothers, and those who cared about you most in your life. The kind of sincere, heartfelt touches that he’d been deprived of for most of his life._

He loosened his grip on my wrist, letting me lift my hand up to his face and trace the bruises there; keeping my touch featherlight in case I hurt him again.

To my surprise, he sighed softly, closing his eyes and leaning into my touch, as if savouring the warmth of my skin.

It was sweet, and innocent, and so different from the Billy I’d seen before; the one who’d held me to his bed when he took my virginity, but still I’d seen glimpses of him. _In his smile; in the tender way he’d held me close and stared at me with too bright eyes._

I let my thumb slide across his cheekbone, trailing down to gently brush across his split lip, feeling the stark difference of texture where his soft lips gave way to dried blood.

His mouth opened slightly in what could’ve been the whisper of a kiss, and I gasped ever so lightly; the sound painfully loud in the silent room.

Billy’s eyes flew open, startling me with all their intensity and brightness, and I found I couldn’t look away; not when he looked at me with such certainty.

He leaned closer; his tongue peaking out to gently brush against my thumb, sending a shiver down my spine that settled in the base of my stomach.

_I knew this was dangerous; already seeing that this little rendezvous had long moved from me nursing his wounds, but I don’t think it mattered._

**This was Billy; and he needed me.**

I leaned forward subconsciously, not even noticing that I’d begun to close the gap until my lips were on his, pressing firmly against the startings of a scab on his bottom lip.

I reached out with my other hand, letting it settle on the smooth, warm skin of his neck, whilst the other trailed into the slightly damp mass of his curls.

Billy reciprocated, threading shaky fingers through my hair; his other hand settling on my waist to pull me closer in between his spread thighs.

_Maybe this was a bad idea;_ but all sense of hesitancy was forgotten when Billy’s tongue darted out, probing at the tight seam of my lips with none of the trepidation his trembling limbs suggested.

I opened, letting him slide into my mouth and explore; the metallic taste of blood still fresh on his tongue.

I moaned softly, surprised at my own eagerness, as Billy began to coax me into his lap, pulling me up until my own legs rested over his spread thighs; bodies already beginning to rock against each other.

The hand that had been on my waist began to snake its way upwards, sliding higher and higher until it reached the clasp of my bra, already beginning to slide the first loop off the hook.

_“Billy; we shouldn’t...”_ I gasped, quickly breaking our kiss, because I knew I was gonna end up doing something I’d regret.

_“I’m with Steve now.”_ I said, fixing my eyes on his swollen lips, rather than risk staring into the piercing eyes I knew were staring down at me.

_I couldn’t do this to Steve;_ **_I shouldn’t,_ ** _no matter how much every fibre of my being protested otherwise. It was_ **_wrong_ ** _, and_ **_cruel_ ** _, and_ **_just careless_ ** _; but it didn’t change how I felt about Billy, and how every time I looked into those perfect baby blues, I felt like drowning in them._

I felt Billy’s hand move up my face, cradling my jaw as he gently ran his thumb over the harsh angles there; calloused fingertips feeling divine against sensitive skin.

_“Lola; please-“_ He asked; his breathy voice barely above a whisper.

**_“I need you.”_ **


	7. Chapter Seven - Second Time's The Charm

**_“I need you”_ **

**_Who knew that three words could hold such power over someone?_ ** _Three tiny, meaningless words that somehow bowled down my defences like pins in bowling._

I stared speechless at Billy, bright blue eyes staring up at me with all the intensity and vulnerability I could never put into words.

_Billy needed me; he’d said so himself, and now hearing it from his pretty bloodstained lips, I came to a sudden realisation myself._

**_I needed Billy too._ **

My breath caught in my throat; the revelation sending my head spinning, and then I acted on instinct.

I shoved myself forward, pressing my mouth almost painfully hard against Billy’s as I finally let myself just enjoy kissing him; feeling his fingers claw into my hair, and his hips buck on their own accord.

There no hesitancy this time; no first time jitters holding us back. We’d been here before; already brought each other to ecstasy and back beneath the thin cotton of Billy’s sheets.

Billy’s hand trailed up my back again, snaking beneath my shirt until it settled on my bra once more, unfastening the last hook so it hung loose enough from my chest that I could wiggle the straps off from beneath my shirt, leaving it discarded on the floor.

My shirt went next, both of us working to hastily pull it over my head as I struggled off Billy’s lap and onto the bed, dropping it to join my bra as I settled on the soft spread of Billy’s comforter.

It was weird how quickly it was happening this time, how both me and Billy knew exactly what we were doing despite this only being our second time; his hands confidently unbuttoning the front of my shorts and pulling both them and my panties down in one smooth sweep.

I lifted my hips, letting him pull them off me completely; my body almost acting on instinct as he stripped me down to my skin.

_“Damn...”_ He cursed with a low whistle; eyes trailing down from my face, to the small but perky peaks of my breasts, eventually settling on the wet heat between my thighs.

_“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of looking at that...”_ He complimented; and I could tell it was sincere from the way his hands quickly snapped to his waistband, unbuckling his belt with overeager fingers.

He didn’t even bother to pull it free, just quickly moving on to unbutton his jeans and pull them off his hips.

His underwear went too; cock springing free, hard and flushing pink with the tiniest hint of wetness beading at the tip.

I reached out and touched him, taking him in hand just like I had before; his skin boiling hot and velvety smooth beneath my fingertips.

Billy hissed again; a sharp, desperate sound that this time spoke more of pleasure than pain as I began to stroke him lightly.

I felt more assured this time; the feel of his heat beneath my hand less foreign, just a steady rhythmic action that had his hips bucking into my hand, eyes screwed shut in sheer ecstasy.

_“Fuck; sweetheart...”_ He moaned, and this time it felt nice to be in control; to fully see how his chest flushed through shades of blue as I tightened my grip on his cock, and how his breathing hitched when I let my thumb flick over the head, spreading drops of precum over his already slick length.

I couldn’t take my eyes off his face; so in love with how it contorted so perfectly, all his pain forgotten in the place of his pleasure, _the pleasure I was giving to him._

His breathing picked up, coming across more as pants as his hips began to rock faster. That pretty blue vein on his neck began to pop up; matching varieties spreading over his cock until it felt fit to burst.

I tightened my grip a little more, speeding up my strokes in my determination to send him over the edge.

**_I didn’t care about my release;_ ** _not when Billy had already suffered so much, not when he needed me mo-_

His hand shot out, clamping around my wrist for the second time today, and my palm shot open, leaving his red angry dick leaking clear fluid onto the sheets.

_“Not yet-“_ He asked, loosening his vicelike grip around my wrist so I could pull it back into myself, wondering why he hadn’t just let me finish him off.

_“I wanna fuck you first.”_ He said, and although the phrasing was vulgar and I should’ve been offended that he might just see me as a stress relief fuck, I didn’t have it in me to be mad at him; not when he gave me one of those desperate looks that spoke of a need far beyond the physical.

_“Okay.”_ I consented, already knowing I was way too far along the road to get up and say this was over.

Billy began to move to settle between my thighs, when I stopped him, pressing gently on his bruised chest so it didn’t hurt him.

He stopped, balancing himself oh his arms as his knee rested between my thighs, blue eyes looking down at me expectantly.

_“I wanna be on top.”_


	8. Chapter Eight - Feels Like Heaven

**_“I wanna be on top.”_ **

The words came out before I had time to contemplate the meaning of them; a combination of selfish desperation and a deep seated need to please the man on top of me overthrowing all rational thought.

_Maybe this was stupid, and maybe I was acting crazy, because I’d only had sex once before and it was with Billy,_ **_so what the hell was I trying to prove exactly?!_ **

But the look Billy gave me was so hungry; so enamoured, that I couldn’t help but feel I’d done something right.

He moved back, making use of the narrow space on his mattress to settle back on the bed, coercing me to lay on my side next to him.

With one gentle hand tucked on my hip, he gently pushed against me; a silent petition for me to mount him.

I followed his wordless instruction, moving up onto my knees before climbing over him; my spread legs settled over his strong thighs.

Billy lifted his hands, and for a moment I thought he was gonna guide me to sit on his cock, but instead they settled on my hips; fingers gently wrapping around my waist in the softest grip I’d experienced from him.

_“Is this okay?”_ He asked, eyes not on my face, but fixed on his fingers flexing restlessly; as if he hadn’t quite made up his mind on whether he was comfortable or not.

_“Yeah... I think this works.”_ I confirmed, nodding slightly as I readjusted my seat on his legs, letting his thighs take the brunt of my weight.

It was weird seeing Billy from this angle; so spread out and vulnerable beneath me, almost unnatural, like this shouldn’t be happening to such an alpha male.

It must’ve been stranger for Billy; so unused to giving away any sort of trust that the idea of being prone beneath anyone was pretty unsavoury.

Still, he let me do it; a strange kind of trust fostered through mutual attraction and emotional scars bringing us closer together than I thought possible, and I had to admit I liked it.

_There was just something about 200 pounds of untempered muscle lying willing beneath me that was unbelievably arousing._

I could feel myself getting wetter, and I guessed Billy could feel it to; my own wetness beginning to rub against his slightly spread thighs.

He must’ve liked it; blue eyes darting down to where my bare pussy pressed against his legs, tongue peaking out to lick his lips as if he was just waiting to taste me.

_And then I got an idea._

A dark, dirty idea that I’d usually be ashamed of thinking in the light of day, but with Billy lying naked beneath me, cock already hard and wanting; I couldn’t bring myself to feel any shame for thinking it.

I let my hand reach up, leaving the safe space of my smooth thighs to move up to my collar bone, gently skimming the dip of my bones there with a featherlight touch.

Billy’s eyes honed in on it with eagle intensity, following my fingers as they trailed across my sternum, and down between the shallow valley of my breasts.

I glanced up at him, watching how he stared unblinkingly as I stroked across the skin beneath my breasts, before reaching the sides of my ribs and cupping my palms, slowly pressing my tits together.

I copied the action with the other hand, forcing cleavage as my fingers slid across the plump tissue of my breasts, momentarily catching against my nipples.

I hissed; the sensation sharp but pleasant as it sent a shock straight to my core, and I watched how Billy’s eyes darkened, pupils ridiculously large in the limited bedroom light.

_“Do it again.”_ He whispered, pushing himself up ever so slightly onto his elbows so he could watch me pinch and tease my nipples beneath my fingertips, watching how his cock leaked further with every tweak and stroke.

_It was fun; really,_ watching Billy’s hips buck and shift as he watched me play with myself, eyes wide and lustful as he refused to remove them from my hands.

Then I got another idea; this one dirtier than the last, actually succeeding in bringing a blush to the apples of my cheeks.

_“What you thinking about; baby?”_ He asked, noticing the colour in my cheeks and propping himself up further to get a better view; one strong hand leaving my hip to stroke down his own taught stomach, it’s deliberate purpose clear in his unhurried touches.

_“You’ll see.” I_ teased, though my nervousness still showed in how I nibbled at my lip, still not a hundred percent certain on doing what I planned to do.

I took one hand away from my breast, letting it trail down across my rib cage and over the smooth expanse of my stomach, stopping to tease at the slight dips and rises of my skin there.

Billy hand sunk lower too, stroking down the deep V of his hips as his eyes followed my hand; white teeth gnawing at a plump bottom lip, because _he_ ** _knew_** _where this was going, he’d already done it to me himself._

Still, I kept up my teasing, letting my hand skim over my hipbone, before dipping lower to just above the marks left by my panties.

Billy’s chest stilled; him actually holding his breath, because he knew where that hand was going, could see my fingertips teasing at the dark line where my skin ended and the dark short stubble of my hair begun.

_Part of me wished I’d waxed; put on a bit more of a show for the fine specimen of a man flexing beneath me, but I hadn’t honestly expected this tonight, or really any night soon._

Still; Billy had seen me naked before, and judging by the way his hand began to settle on his cock; he only seemed enamoured with the sight of me.

_“What do you want me to do; Billy?”_ I asked, keeping up a thick veil on naïveté as I stroked across the short stubble, surprised at how soft it actually felt.

My fingers started to trail lower, and Billy’s whole body tensed, muscles practically vibrating as I reached down to the very top of my slit, waiting for his say so.

_“Touch yourself for me.”_ He asked; the words steady and sure and sublime from his wet lips; his hand beginning to stroke himself in long, languid movements.

Featherlight and almost unnoticeable, I rubbed small circles around the edges of my clit; the sensation still divine in my state of arousal, and clearly working wonders on Billy, his hips bucking ever so slightly into his hand as he watched me.

I pulled the hood up, using dexterous fingers to spread myself wide, whilst my other hand reached down to join it, rubbing insistently on the swollen bud of my clit.

My hips bucked, and I couldn’t hold back a moan; the pleasure coursing right through me until I could feel it drip down my thighs and down onto the quivering muscle of Billy’s legs.

_“Jesus; Billy...”_ I murmured, even though it was my hand pinching my clitoris, making my whole body jump with pleasure.

The whole display must’ve looked pretty obscene; me openly masterbating as I knelt over a naked and very aroused Billy Hargrove, but he seemed to love it; pretty pink cockhead flaring particularly red as he continued to jack himself in rhythm with my hand.

I continued to tease him, letting my fingers slip through my slick lower lips, gathering semisweet wetness onto their tips, before bringing it up to my lips to suck like a lollipop.

Billy definitely liked that, one hand clamping tightly on my waist as I removed my fingers from my mouth, making sure to sigh dramatically, just in case I hadn’t driven him crazy enough yet.

_“Fuck; sweetheart. You look so fucking beautiful like that...”_ He groaned, squeezing hard around his cock so the tip leaked a trail of fluid that dripped all the way down his length.

I giggled, flushing again, _because really; this was stupid, and I felt like a_ ** _goddamn porn star,_** but Billy was smiling, and I just wanted to see a grin on that pretty face; one that took the edge off the harsh shadows of his bruises.

My hand returned to my crotch, stroking in light, delicate swipes, and Billy wriggled slightly beneath me, clearly getting impatient with all my teasing.

_“Just a little lower, sweetheart...”_ Billy coached me whilst he continued to stroke his cock; self satisfied smile on his face as I followed his instructions, letting my fingers press lower until they began to slip into me.

It was surprisingly easy this time; my slender fingers quickly sliding in to the second knuckle in half the time it took Billy to get there.

_Maybe it was familiarity._

I’d masterbated before, but never in front of an audience, and honestly; watching Billy’s strong tanned hand tug at his hard, wet cock was enough to get any woman and wanting.

Still; Billy seemed equally as aroused by me, eyes fixated on where my fingers disappeared into my cunt as he began to stroke himself quicker.

I pushed my fingers in the rest of the way, deciding to take advantage of my cleanly broken hymen to really put on a show.

I started to thrust my fingers in and out of me; slow and steady at first, in order to reach maximum eroticism as Billy watched my dripping fingers vanish into me again and again.

_It didn’t feel as good as Billy’s fingers had; to be honest._

My own were far to short and slim to give me any deep stimulation, and I just didn’t have the experience, or the focus to get the angle just right, but still I enjoyed; if only for the slightly dazed look on Billy’s face.

I curled my fingers slightly, searching for that soft spongy spot that Billy had used to drive me over the edge, but it was harder than I thought.

Billy was having no such difficulty; hips rocking into his hand, as he battled to keep his eyes open, so intent on watching the show; that he was holding off his own release.

I doubled my efforts, thrusting quicker and harder; my other hand returning to my clitoris to rub little circles on it, determined to bring myself to orgasm before him.

_I don’t know when this thing had become a contest, but it seemed we had opposite goals; Billy desperately holding off cumming over fear of losing out, whilst I was chasing my own peak, all for his entertainment._

Still; we both held strong; Billy releasing my hip from his iron grip to squeeze the base of his cock, virtually plugging his orgasm at the source as he continued to stroke vigorously.

I meanwhile, had managed to find that magic spot; the rough raspberry-like texture a welcome discovery as I rubbed the spot with tiny beckoning motions, shooting electricity right up my spine.

My hips bucked; chasing the warm pressure of my fingertips as I doubled the pace on my clit. I could already feel the telltale signs of an orgasm building; my toes curling against the sole of my feet, arousal dripping down and drenching both my hand and thighs.

Billy was nearly there too; skin glistening with the thinnest coating of sweat, thighs quivering with tension as his hands jacked up and down his cock with military speed and timing.

He was gonna finish any minute, but my spine was already arching; that coil in my stomach wrapped so tight, I had no choice but to let go.

I closed my eyes, savouring the sound of Billy’s grunts, the smell of sweat and spicy cologne as his thighs shook; my thighs squeezing against them as I reached the height of my peak.

**_“Fuck; Lola!”_** Billy cried, and I felt something warm and wet splash against my stomach and chest, and that alone was enough to push me over.

_“Billy...”._ I exclaimed; my pussy clamping down tightly on my fingers as it continued to spasm rhythmically.

A bullet train rush of endorphins flooded my system, just as arousal flooded my palm, and I honestly don’t know how I stayed upright for as long as I did; still rubbing my swollen clit to force out my orgasm as long as possible.

My body spasmed for a full five minutes, with me eventually collapsing onto the broad and slightly wet expanse of Billy’s chest.

I was exhausted; physically and mentally drained as I let my cheek press against the warm muscles of Billy’s pecs, breath coming out in short hot pants as I waited for the last twitches of my orgasm to be over.

This close, I could hear his heart thundering in his chest; the steady quick beat comforting in the near silence of the room.

_Maybe I should’ve been feeling something else right now; a twinge of regret or shame over my actions, but lying here with Billy, naked skin pressed against his chest, it just felt like..._

**_Like home._ **

I felt something run through my hair, suddenly aware that Billy was stroking through the slightly damp curls; fingers shaking, though I don’t know if it was from emotions, pain, or just pure hormones.

_“Thank you.”_ He murmured softly; the words tense with more emotion than I could decipher.

_“Anytime.”_ I said, turning my head to look up at him as he played with my hair.

When he looked at me, words really couldn’t begin to describe what I felt for him.

_It wasn’t love;_ ** _too early for that_** , and I think I might just shoot myself before I admitted I loved Billy Hargrove, but it was strong and pure.

Billy looked at me like I had all the worlds answers, and that I only needed to speak and they would be true.

It was look full of trust and deep longing; the kind of look I’d been trying to get from Steve for three months.

**_Steve._ **

_I’m sorry Steve, but this wasn’t gonna work._

**_I needed Billy, and Billy needed me._ **


	9. Chapter Nine - Runaway

**Part me would like to say that I went home after that.** That once we’d come down from our hormone high; I got back up and dressed, before leaving like nothing ever happened.

It would’ve been the decent thing to do; _perhaps even the right thing,_ **but it wasn’t what I did.**

Instead I continued to lie with Billy, exchanging open mouthed kisses and whispered tokens of affection that would leave me blushing when I went to bed at night.

We had sex later on, and some wretched part of me wishes I could say that I regretted it, **but I didn’t.**

I savoured every moment trapped beneath Billy’s form; each sharp hiss, each broken gasp as he clinged to my hands like lifelines, fingers tightly entwined with his own.

He finished in me again, and I probably should be thinking about birth control; having gotten incredibly lucky the first time, and really beginning to push my luck on the second.

_Billy should’ve asked; really,_ but I don’t think he was in the right frame of mind to be thinking where he pumped his load.

I’d forgive him, and then I’d go to the pharmacy, because graduating pregnant was not a look I was aiming for.

Now that high had finally grounded, I was pulling on my clothes in front of a half dressed Billy, already wondering what the hell I was gonna tell Steve when he picked me up tonight.

It wasn’t gonna be easy; that was sure.

**I mean; what was I meant to say to him?!** _Steve; I’m sorry, I fucked someone else, and I think I may love him; oh and by the way, the guy I fucking fucked was_ **_Billy Hargrove!!_ **

No matter what I said, he was gonna be fucking destroyed, and I really don’t know what I could do to make it better.

**_“What are you thinking about?”_ **

Billy’s broke the wordless silence of the past twenty minutes with what could’ve a simple question; his bright blue eyes looking up at me from the bed telling me it was far from one.

_“Nothing.”_ I replied, focussing on pulling on my shirt to avoid looking at his melancholic face.

He’d been looking at me like that the entire time, and really maybe I should be asking what he was thinking; the lines of his mouth far too hard for it to be anything but deep and difficult.

Perhaps I didn’t want to know; whatever was going on beneath those pretty blonde curls being far too gargantuan for me to consider right now.

_“You really gotta go?”_ He asked, changing the subject to one no less difficult, but twice as pining.

_“Yeah; I already have plans tonight.”_ I confirmed, pulling on the first of my motorcycle boots.

_I really did feel guilty right now; more so because Billy knew._

**_He knew he couldn’t have me;_ ** _knew I was off the market, but still I teased him with something he couldn’t have._

_I used him then walked away, just like all the other girls in school; like all the people in his life who saw him as a piece of meat to fuck or fuck up._

_“I wish you didn’t have to leave...”_ Billy confessed; his voice painfully vulnerable once more and I felt my heart clench for him.

I took a breath, trying to find words of comfort, but they’d all be empty.

I was going to leave him, just like everyone who he cared about did, and I couldn’t bring myself to lie to him like that.

Instead I sighed, pulling on my last boot, because seeing him like this again; so downhearted and broken, was making me feel sick.

I picked up my rucksack, shouldering it, and Billy got to his feet, and for a moment I thought he was gonna ask me to stay again; _to be here and be his._

Instead he walked me to the door; soft eyes lowered to the floor as I kept pace, telling myself repeatedly why this was the right thing to do; **_why I couldn’t possibly stay here with Billy._**

He opened the door, hand deceptively steady as he continued to avoid looking at me; blue eyes flickering from side to side, chasing thoughts only he could see.

_“I guess- I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”_ I asked; my farewell coming out as a question, because I really didn’t know what to expect with Billy, or if he was even planning on coming back to school at all.

He didn’t say anything, and I bit my lip, guessing my suspicions were closer to the truth than I would’ve liked.

**_I didn’t want Billy to disappear._ ** _I didn’t want this to be the last time I saw his pretty face, but I knew the look of a flight risk when I saw one, and Billy’s eyes had that longing of another place that I knew all too well._

**_Billy would be gone this time tomorrow._ **

_Him and that baby blue Camaro a hazy sweet memory in Hawkins town; a runaway James Dean in faded denim, a slowly fading legend of Hawkins High._

**_But to me he wouldn’t._ **

_He was something real and tangible, and_ **_god; I’d miss him!_ ** _I’d miss those pretty blue eyes, and that ladykiller smile, and_ **_I just wish there was something I could say to change his mind;_ ** _to take that wanderlust out of his eye._

_“Almost forgot...”_ I remembered, unzipping my backpack to dig around inside, pulling out the soft golden form of the teddy bear.

_“I thought you might want this back...”_ I said, attempting to hang him the slightly squashed bear.

_“Keep it. I got it for you.”_ He refused, gently pushing it back into my hands.

_“Billy; I can’t-“_

**_“Keep it. Please.”_** He insisted; words firm and meaningful as he placed the bear back in my hands, clamping his fingers over my own in a gesture that spoke more of intimacy than force.

He let go of my hands, moving them away gently as my fingers remained clutched in the teddy’s soft fur; eyes glued on the deep baby blues staring down at me with so much deep seated emotion.

_“Then at least take this...”_ I continued to negotiate, unlatching the necklace from the bear’s neck and attempting to give it to him.

_“No; it’s yours I wanted you to have it.”_ He pressed, wrapping my fingers back round the thin gold chain, keeping the necklace tightly clasped in my palm.

The weight of his token wasn’t wasted on me; the intention of his choice striking me hard in the chest.

_“Billy; I don’t know what to say...”_ I admitted, and it truly was rare that words failed me.

I just couldn’t get my head around why Billy would give me something that meant so much to him; that was such an undeniable part of him.

**_“Don’t say anything... just wear it for me.”_ **

He asked, and I know I should’ve said no; _that I was Steve’s girl, and I really shouldn’t be wearing jewellery belonging to other guys,_ but I didn’t.

I let Billy step forward, invading into my personal space once more as he plucked the necklace from my loosely clenched hand, holding it in reverent fingertips.

_“Can I?”_ He asked permission; holding the spread necklace in front of me, as if I only needed to accept it, and everything would be okay.

I nodded and his hands moved behind my neck, gently fastening the clasp so it didn’t tangle in my hair, but still he lingered.

To my surprise, he ducked his head down low, planting a soft deliberate kiss on the top of my head; one that conveyed more of a sense of longing than any of the times we’ve had sex previously.

I savoured it, memorising the soft touch of his lips; the warm scent of cigarettes, spearmint and a little too much cologne.

_If this was Billy’s way of saying goodbye, I wanted to remember every last detail._

He pulled back too soon, and my body chased his warmth, but he never pulled back completely.

_“Are you sure you don’t wanna stay?”_ He asked for the third time, eyes staring directly into my own, so there would be no chance for deception; no chance for lies.

**_“I wish I could...”_** I confessed, and it was the truth.

I didn’t want to be yet another one that left him; another nameless face in a horde of disappointments.

Billy stared at me, fingers gently tracing the chain along my collarbones as his eyes searched my face for a hint of a lie; his mind not allowing his heart to believe that someone could feel for him just as strongly as he did for them.

I stared back, once again allowing myself to get lost in those deep baby blues; every fibre of my being telling me to just give in and stay with him, that this was what I’d wanted all along.

Instead I leaned in close, planting a firm, heartfelt kiss on his mouth, knowing that I probably shouldn’t; but I couldn’t bring myself to walk away without tasting his lips once more.

Billy didn’t push back, just accepted it with mournful resignation; the fact that we couldn’t be together putting another cloud in his already greying sky.

I walked away then; a cold feeling of regret mixed with plain sadness melding in my stomach in a way that made my boots feel like concrete blocks, each step away from his house harder than the last.

I wanted to turn back, to run back inside his house and kiss him like crazy; to kiss away every bruise and every scar from the past ten years and make him feel good again.

It wasn’t enough to just bring him happiness for a moment; I wanted him to be happy always, **_to be happy with me._**

I turned back, but Billy had already shut the front door, and shut me out again.

_I’d missed my chance, and now I had to go and apologise to Steve,_ **_because it wasn’t gonna work._ **

_Even if Billy took to the road tomorrow and never turned back;_ **_it wasn’t gonna work._ **

_Some part of me would always be with him, riding shotgun in that Camaro whilst his fingers traced circles on my thighs._


	10. Chapter Ten - Sorry Is Always The Hardest Word

**_“Sorry” was perhaps both the easiest and hardest word to say._ **

**_“I’m sorry I was late today”_ ** _Easy, Simple. Barely even worth saying._

**_“I’m sorry I failed my finals.”_ ** _Harder, but still forgivable with time and effort._

**_“I’m sorry; I’m breaking up with you.”_ **

**_Harder; much harder,_ ** _especially when the person you’re breaking up with is your best friend of five years._

When I heard that knock on the cabin door; my stomach began to have butterflies, but not the good kind I’d wanted when me and Steve started this whole thing.

I’d been dreading this moment; a big part of me wondering whether I should’ve cancelled and just done this over the phone, but I stopped myself.

That was cowardly, and I couldn’t do that to Steve, not after everything he’d done for me.

**_“Lola; door!!”_** Dad yelled from the kitchen, stuck in the middle of scraping a burnt omelette into the trash, because dad was not a good cook, and the resident head chef had other plans for tonight.

_“Don’t worry; I got it!”_ I yelled from the bathroom, putting in my last hoop earring, before making my way to the front door.

Dad was currently searching for pizza menus, frying pan and all attempts of a home cooked meal left abandoned in the kitchen sink.

The sight was kinda hilarious, but did little to ease my frayed nerves, even after I took a deep breath, settling myself to unlatch the door.

I opened it, and there was no surprises on who was waiting on the other side; a suitably dapper looking Steve Harrington dressed in a clean cut shirt and jeans.

He’d been putting more effort in dressing for our dates of late; maybe under the misinformed opinion that if he dressed up a bit more, it might reignite that spark we’d experienced at the Snow Ball.

_“Hey Lo; you look great!”_ He greeted me, dumb pretty boy smile on his face as he took in the far too casual ensemble of leather jacket and denim shorts, before leaning in for a quick peck on the cheek.

_“You do too.”_ I complimented, though it came across short as I unresponsively accepted the kiss; guilt already doing one hell of a trip in my mind.

He began to lead me back to the car, overeager smile staying put, only going further to prove that Steve really was oblivious, or maybe he just didn’t want to face the facts that something wasn’t right here.

_“So, where do you wanna go tonight? Movies? Dinner? Arcade?”_ He asked; running through what would’ve been a typical date night; the same motions we’d been running through every weekend since we’d started going out, but never getting anywhere.

_“Steve; I’m not sure it’s a good idea...”_ I began, beginning to try and let him down easy as he opened the passenger door for me, allowing me to duck inside; _probably a good idea considering the circumstances._

He didn’t give me a chance to finish, already heading round to the drivers side and climbing in the seat; that same dopey enthusiasm not being dampened by my tone in the slightest.

_“Well; we could always just head to my house. My parents aren’t in...”_ He suggested; wiggling his eyebrows in a joking fashion so I didn’t know whether to take his proposition seriously or not.

_“Steve; I’m not sure...”_

_“Don’t worry about it. We can just figure it out on the way.”_ He interrupted, turning the engine over so it hummed to life with the sounds of You’re My Best Friend.

**_“Steve; listen to me!”_** I yelled, cutting through what I now knew was nervous jabbering; _seems like Steve wasn’t as oblivious as I thought._

He shut up, but didn’t turn to face me; eyes fixed straight ahead with a slight look of apprehension, and maybe even dread on his face.

_“This isn’t gonna work, Steve.”_ I stated; keeping my voice firm despite the pain wracking through my chest at the sight of his anxious expression.

_“Well; if you want, we can take a rain check until next week-“_ He excused in a state of denial; his soft desperation near heartbreaking.

_“Steve; I’m not talking about the date...”_ I interrupted, pointing out the obvious that he was so clearly trying to avoid.

He sighed, closing his eyes and biting his lip as he stared down at his lap; fingers squeezing hard on the steering wheel as the hard truth of what was happening here broke through.

_“I should’ve seen this coming...”_ He said; the admission sounding more resigned than bitter; as if this entire conversation hadn’t come as a surprise to him.

_“I’m sorry; Steve.”_ I apologised, genuinely meaning it, because I never meant to hurt him this way.

_He was my best friend, and I loved him,_ but I couldn’t go on pretending that this spark we had was anything more than just that; a spark.

_“I really wanted for this to work, but I just can’t, Okay?!”_ I confessed, needing to be honest with him for once in my life.

Steve just sighed again, louder this time as he slumped forward, resting his head against the top of the steering wheel.

He let out a puff of air, lips making a trill noise like a horse; reminding me distinctly of a man with a migraine, as he began to accept the end of our romantic relationship.

_“Just please don’t tell me you’re leaving me for Billy Hargrove?”_ He asked in what could’ve been a joke, if not for the bitterness in his voice.

Still; I couldn’t answer.

The truth so close to home that I knew there was nothing I could say to redeem myself.

Instead Steve glanced up, taking in my face wracked in a combination of guilt and pity.

_I never wanted to hurt him;_ **_not ever_ ** _, but I had._

He big brown eyes looked straight into my eyes and read the truth without a word from my lips.

_“I’m sorry, Steve.”_ I continued to apologise; my voice soft and barely above a whisper, tears prickling at the corners of my eyes, because I could see how much this was hurting; **_and my god,_** _I didn’t want to be the reason for his pain._

He turned his gaze from me, staring out the windshield with a hand plastered over the bottom half of his face; the glisten of tears reflected in the dim moonlight.

He didn’t say anything; his expression suddenly hard to read as I found myself waiting on baited breath for his words; for some sort of absolution for the great wrong I’d done to my closest friend.

_“Please; Steve. Just say something...”_ I asked; afraid of the oppressive silence between us, of the looming shadow of the end of more than just our relationship.

**_“Scream at me, or something...”_** I pleaded; my stomach tying itself in knots, _because what if I’d ruined everything;_ ** _what if he never wanted to speak to me again?_**

_I’d really not thought of the true extent of the consequences of my actions; of how much really could be at stake for the sake of my lust and the blossomings of what could be teenage love, but I really had no way to know for sure-_

**_“Why?”_ **

His voice rang out like a shot in the dark, despite being muffled behind his hand.

**_“Just tell me why.”_ **

There was a million and one ways I could answer that question; not all of them lies.

_Because I was stupid was one; lonely was another._

**_Because Billy was beautiful, and brazen, and bold, and really wasn’t as bad a person as that night at the Byers would have you believe;_ ** _but I went with the simplest one._

**_“Because I think I love him.”_** I admitted; the truth sounding uncertain in my mouth, because although I knew the feelings were true, it was hard to say the words out loud, almost as if the moment I said it, it would be real.

The words cut Steve like a knife.

I could tell by the way he winced as if he was experiencing real physical pain.

I didn’t want to hurt him, but it was the truth, and no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise; I couldn’t love Steve like I loved Billy.

_“I’m sorry, Steve...”_ I apologised for the third time tonight; tears finally beginning to slip their way down my cheek, because I hated seeing him like this; so broken and sad.

Nancy had already left him because she loved someone else, and now I had too.

_“I’m so, so sorry...”_

_“I think you should go.”_ Steve interrupted; his voice croaky and low as he still avoided looking at me, and somehow that cut more than anything else.

_“Okay...”_ I nodded, already opening the door, because I knew if I said anything more, I’d just end up making things worse.

_“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow in class...”_ I continued, leaning in close to kiss him goodbye, before hesitating.

_Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this anymore; not after the conversation we just had, but some part of me couldn’t leave this on a sour note._

I filled the gap, pressing a soft kiss to his temple, hoping that somehow the gesture would prove that despite me choosing Billy over him, _I still loved him._

Steve didn’t respond, just continued staring out of the windscreen as I climbed out of the car.

I took one last look at him outside of the car; my heart breaking at the way his head hung low like a weight was around his neck, how thin trails of tears trickled down flushed cheeks.

I wanted to get back in the car and kiss them away, _but I knew I couldn’t._

_It would be another lie to try and placate him with fake promises; that I could learn to love him, that what Billy and I had was purely chemical._

_“Goodbye Steve.”_ I offered instead, wanting to say more, but knowing that there were no words that could fix this; only time.

He didn’t reply, and I gave up then, shutting the car door and walking back to my house.

——————————————————

By the time I found my keys and opened the front door, I knew Steve was already gone; the soft hum of his BMs engine disappearing into the night.

Previously he would’ve stayed to check I got in okay, even if my dad was in, but I’d clearly hurt him too much for that.

**_“El; do you want pepperoni or ham and pineapple-“_** Dad asked as he emerged from his room, clearly mistaking my presence for the kids.

_“Lo?”_ Dad crinkled his brows in confusion, having not expected me back for at least another few hours.

_“What are you doing back so early?”_

I didn’t answer, just rushed over to him and enveloped him in a tight hug.

He hesitated for a moment, before wrapping his arms around me; pizza menus and all, squeezing me tightly to his chest.

_“Sweetie; what happened?”_ He asked, petting the top of my head, because I hardly ever went to my dad for comfort unless something went extremely wrong.

I said nothing, burying my face further into the soft cotton of my dad’s shirt as it soaked up my tears.

_For once; I didn’t want my dad to listen to me, I just wanted him to stand there and hold me for a minute and remind me that everything was gonna be alright._


End file.
